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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets

Everything one puts on a wall is meaningful

Si mis taquitos tienen verduda... ¿Cuenta como ensalada?

Who think it's better: Instagram or Facebook?

Ojala perdiera peso con la misma facilidad con que pierdo la paciencia.

What would your cat say if it could talk?

Less talks, more GIFs!

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands

Whenever you feel stupid remember there are people outside catching Pokemon

Skinny people are easier to kidnap, stay safe and eat chocolate

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half

I tried to be normal once, it was the worst 2 minutes of my life

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

People who don't know me think I'm quiet, people who do wish I was

At my age I need glasses

If being sarcastic burned calories I'd be transparent by now

I'm shy at first but once I am comfortable watch out for some crazy shit

Sometimes I forget how to spell things so I change the whole sentence just to avoid it

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking cocktails.

I'm in shape. Unfortunately that shape is a potato.

You can't make everyone happy, you're not pizza

I apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from insanity, I told him, no, we all enjoy it

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands

I should be given an award for keeping my mouth shut when there's so much to be said

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