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Humor quotes

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK"?

A balanced diet is having a cupcake in both hands

You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it.


Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Tuesday

Pretending to look busy on Friday is hard work

Be nice to nerds


I was not made to be subtle

On my worst behavior

Those who do not want to imitate anything produce nothing

When things go wrong, don’t go with them.


I never met an animal I don't like and I can't say the same about people

We believe in love at first gin

Less drama more gin

Women are made to be loved, not understood.


Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing until you get there

I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right.

I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee and I love the sound of nobody talking while I drink it

Eat like no one is going to see you naked

Uuuuuuuuur, ahhhhhhhhrr, uhhrr, ahhhhrr, aaarhg

Every day I struggle between "I want to look good" and pizza

Today will be one of those days when even coffee needs coffee

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

One never needs humor as much as when they argue with a fool

I would spell it out for you but I have left my English to dumb ass dictionary at home

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